Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
