theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
