How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
