haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
