Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
