so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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