yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
