Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
