Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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