Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
