We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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