so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
