I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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