My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
