I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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