he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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