Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
