come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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