the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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