Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
