watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize