Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
FUCK WHALES
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