Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
