We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
