I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Randomize
