You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
