I want to have your abortion
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
