I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
