Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
