She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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