What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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