My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
