How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
