Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
