she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
