i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
