Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think i peed on brittanys purse
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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