Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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