i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You were trust falling into bushes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
