what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
