I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
