where am i from again
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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