I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
