I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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