May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize