I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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