My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
