its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
