They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize