see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
