I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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