he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
