I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
