i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize