I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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