i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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