my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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