I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
