no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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