If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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