Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
