I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
