the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
