I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
