Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
