I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
