we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I love you.
Bad choice
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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