I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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