you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
