She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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