This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
