i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
