Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
