I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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